Sunday, June 06, 2004
Confession
I'm wide awake at the moment. I made the mistake of taking a nap this afternoon and now I'm paying the price. Currently I'm sitting at the desk and listening to Rich Mullins; A Liturgy, A Legacy, And A Ragamuffin Band. It has been a long time since I've listened to it and I have forgotten how much I love it. Its been a pretty good weekend and I'm actually looking forward to diving into work tomorrow. I've got a lot on my plate at the office and ready to plow through some of it. I think I spent a good portion of the weekend sitting at Common Grounds reading. I wondered over there Sat afternoon and ended up staying about four hours, and then spent another three hours this evening. I've been reading a book by Lauren Winner called Girl Meets God. Not the best title in my opinion, it somewhat obstructs half the general population from just picking up the book. Not just the title, but the cover as well. Had a friend not recommended it I would probably have never considered it. The book is basically memoirs of her faith and her conversion from Judaism to Christianity. I've found myself engrossed in it and just about went through the whole thing this weekend (which is a bit unlike me - I don't usually go through books very quickly).
One of the things I have enjoyed delving into is the tradition and liturgy of both Judaism and the Episcopal Church. I think in my embrace of postmodernism this something that may have somewhat been left behind. I can remember several things from my Methodist upbringing that are just not a part of my life anymore, but that I believe could still hold deep meaning for me. One thing that struck me as she wrote about saying the Lord's Prayer was the realization that I couldn't remember the last time I had said those words. For a moment I thought I had maybe forgotten them altogether. How could that be? Words that I spoke every Sunday that I sat in the pews at Schweitzer UMC have somehow now slipped from my mind. They quickly came back to me, but nonetheless I had to think about them for a moment. I'm not really sure what to do with that.
Confession. Since this is not really a part of Methodism and not really a part of my faith now, I can't say that I've ever done this. Winner speaks of her experiences and had questioned the purpose. She questioned the reasoning - why confess if I have already done so to God? Has he not forgiven me already? I think I would/do have the same questions of that myself. Here's a portion that struck me:
Father Peter will grant me absolution, but confession isn't just about absolution. It's not some kind of antinomian free-for-all, where, since we know Christ has already forgiven us, we can just keep sinning. The change, I think, that conversion gradually effects on your heart is this: you come, over some stretched-out time, to want to do the things that God wants you to do, because you want to be close to Him. So the point is not just to be forgiven, it is to be transformed. The religious languages have better words for this then English - teshuvah in Hebrew, and metanoia in Greek. A complete turning around.
That resonates deeply for me. I long for the time when I do the things God wants me to do because I want to be close to Him. Not just the things I want to do, but everything. Kyle spoke this morning of how in our lives as Christians our feelings & mood at the time doesn't really matter. I don't feel like praying today, I don't feel like reading the Bible tonite, I can't forgive that...etc. I think in some ways I've turned God into a God of convenience for me. That one hit home today.
One of the things I have enjoyed delving into is the tradition and liturgy of both Judaism and the Episcopal Church. I think in my embrace of postmodernism this something that may have somewhat been left behind. I can remember several things from my Methodist upbringing that are just not a part of my life anymore, but that I believe could still hold deep meaning for me. One thing that struck me as she wrote about saying the Lord's Prayer was the realization that I couldn't remember the last time I had said those words. For a moment I thought I had maybe forgotten them altogether. How could that be? Words that I spoke every Sunday that I sat in the pews at Schweitzer UMC have somehow now slipped from my mind. They quickly came back to me, but nonetheless I had to think about them for a moment. I'm not really sure what to do with that.
Confession. Since this is not really a part of Methodism and not really a part of my faith now, I can't say that I've ever done this. Winner speaks of her experiences and had questioned the purpose. She questioned the reasoning - why confess if I have already done so to God? Has he not forgiven me already? I think I would/do have the same questions of that myself. Here's a portion that struck me:
Father Peter will grant me absolution, but confession isn't just about absolution. It's not some kind of antinomian free-for-all, where, since we know Christ has already forgiven us, we can just keep sinning. The change, I think, that conversion gradually effects on your heart is this: you come, over some stretched-out time, to want to do the things that God wants you to do, because you want to be close to Him. So the point is not just to be forgiven, it is to be transformed. The religious languages have better words for this then English - teshuvah in Hebrew, and metanoia in Greek. A complete turning around.
That resonates deeply for me. I long for the time when I do the things God wants me to do because I want to be close to Him. Not just the things I want to do, but everything. Kyle spoke this morning of how in our lives as Christians our feelings & mood at the time doesn't really matter. I don't feel like praying today, I don't feel like reading the Bible tonite, I can't forgive that...etc. I think in some ways I've turned God into a God of convenience for me. That one hit home today.
